Slowing down in the Carpool Lane

~Last year I was driving in my car, my heart feeling pressed down with the weight of anxiety. In my mind I was playing over all the things I hadn't gotten done, all my weaknesses and fumbles.

"I'm such a scattered girl. Why can't I focus? Why am I so forgetful?"

~The heaviness pressed in hard until I prayed aloud, "Lord, why can't I just be one of those put-together girls?! You know; the ones who always have it all under control?"

~The answer came so clearly that it startled. In a voice tinged with a smile and almost audible I heard,

"Now why would I want that?"

~Huh? Did I just hear that? What did You say Lord?
~And the gentle response;

"If you were a put-together girl then you wouldn't need me 
and what I want above all is a relationship with you."

~I wanted to pull the car over, let the words soak into my trembling frame. He loves me like this?
Scattered & forgetful? Imperfect & fumbling?
~My weaknesses only serve to draw me closer; to remind me of my desperate need for the One who is my only strength.
 .................................................................................................................................................................

~Months later and I wake on a Monday feeling frantic, world spinning before my feet hit the ground. The anxiety is there again; like a snake coiled around my shoulders hissing lies into my ears.
And it's in the car again that I'm reminded of that truth-~-Relationship.

~He doesn't expect me to be perfect, only prayerful, letting my weaknesses draw me into His arms.

~And peace isn't a state of being where life is smooth and under control. 

Peace is a person, 

Jesus

walking me through my worries and whispering reassurance 

to this Momma,

sometimes in the carpool lane.