The Art of Life
Photobucket I'm so glad you're here! "The Art of Life" is where I share my journey as an artist & Momma. It's a place where I hope to encourage other women that they are artists too. In this small little space I seek to share, document, and be reminded of God's wonderful grace, all around us. ....And I would be so happy to have you journey alongside me! So grab a cup of coffee and linger for a while. I hope you leave feeling refreshed. Photobucket

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Help is not coming

~~How's that for a cheery title? It's not all bad. It's just a lesson I've been learning. Let me explain.
~~I'm a Stay-at-home-Mom and a perfectionist. That means that I think I have to do everything by myself AND do it perfectly. But the thing is, noone ever told me how hard it was to be a Mother. It's such a roller coaster rid of emotions. There are moments of sheer joy and overwhelming love, and there are moments of utter exhaustion-sometimes in the same day! I'm a very sensitive person and so I guess I just expect that others will be sensitive to me. Now, this is NOT a bash against my family, friends or my Dear Husband because they are all wonderful. Truly. They're just not mind readers. And I guess I'm hoping that they will suddenly aquire that gift.
~~And so I wait.
I wait for the call that says, "I know you've been tired. Can I take the girls for the afternoon?" And I wait.
And I wait for the "Honey, I know you've had a rough day. Can I take you out to dinner?"
And I wait.
And I wait for someone to come and take off my SuperMom cape and tell me that it's okay. That I don't have to be perfect. You see, I feel like there's some giant "Mommy manual" out there and I'm failing the test.
~~But help isn't coming. Do you know why? Because I don't ask. Plain and simple. And even when I'm offered help, I tend to turn it down. I worry about being a bother. I worry about letting someone down. I feel like somehow, someway I should just be able to do it all on my own. Most of the time I even fail to ask the one who has told me to cast all my cares on Him; God. A friend recently gave me a copy of a devotional and it said that one of the most effective prayers can simply be "Help!" Because then I'm acknowledging that I'm not SuperMom. I'm laying down my pride.
~~After all, how can I care for them when I'm empty? How can I be inspired to create when I'm exhausted. I can't. I love my girls with all my heart. I truly do. And they deserve a Mommy who is joyful. Not tired. So I'm learning my lesson, though often the hard way.
~~It will be a late night for me. I'm getting closer to finishing my ballerina piece. There's a contest that I've been wanting to enter it in and the deadline is tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow! Yikes! So I will push hard tonight and hope that inspiration will come in a quiet house.
and I have one slightly used SuperMom cape for sale if you're interested.


te said...

So you DO get the 24-hour-mom-and-no-sleep-thing that I've been going through with my son! From the beautiful photos of your girls and the images you create - it sure doesn't look like you're failing from where I sit.

We have another thing in common... I tend to be a perfectionist.

It's kind of you to say...' I've found my style'. In truth, I started in figurative realism style (like you) and did portraits and commissions - all with the undercurrent of striving to create the perfect likeness and duplicate image of the real thing. When I finally realized the underlying issues creating my need to be a perfectionist - and that most often I was the only one who cared about the details, I went through a whole series of releasing... 'asking for help', 'its okay to fail' and 'doing a not-perfect painting' among them.

This intense journey led my current move into abstract expression and using acrylic and encaustics - which are very fast, spontaneous mediums. (I've found abstract work to be even more challenging than realism - but that's for another discussion!)

So, painting - as a metaphor for momhood - it's okay color outside of your lines....

Go easy on yourself!

Kasie @ ~The Art of Life~ said...

Thanks so much for that Roxanne! I truly do believe you when you say that abstract is harder than realism. It's a form of art that I admire because I struggle with being loose.
"It's okay to color outside the lines." I love that! I'm going to write it down where I can look at it.
:) Smiles!

Anonymous said...

We have too much in common, Kasie. I feel like a failure so many times with my children, husband and life because I am such a perfectionist also. My mother is that way and she taught her children to be that way. It's hard to break free from what has been engrained in you your whole life.

Roxanne - I like your comment too about coloring outside of the lines!

Kasie @ ~The Art of Life~ said...

Thanks Valerie.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? I've heard it said that we always compare our worst to everyone else's best. I think that's very true.

Belinda Lindhardt said...

i have recently learned this lesson also :) thanks for sharing .. we are definately hardest on ourselves.. i have been loosening up alot in my recent peices and trying not to achieve realism to the same degree.. i find i am enjoying it all much better as the pressure is just not there :)

look after yourself take some time to renergise... :) you look like your doing a great job with your girls and its such a hard task .. as long as you are doing the best you can do .. then i dont think your girls would ask for much else :)